:..::::Puzzles::::.:::..:::..::.:

For some reason, I always link prominent childhood memories of mine to present day 'memories in the making'. I always find some link, some way to metephorize my past and apply it to my present. Right now, in this moment, the memory of my love for solving puzzles as a young child, placed itself in my mind, giving me the opportuinity to link it to love. My mind is a scary place sometimes. Why is it, that the remembrance of the rush and exhiliration I felt when I finished that 3000 piece titanic puzzle... is allowing me to deciper the tangled mess of emotions that lies in the pit of my stomach when the memory of him lends itself to my mind...here i go...


Its like all of the other ones were 8 piece puzles.
You know, the ones you could almost feel proud of yourself for completing but couldn't :quite: get  yourself to because in the end,... 8 piece puzzles are mediocre and easy. You unscramble one eight piece puzzle one after the other,again and again-several times. We ignore the big 2000 piece puzzle sitting in that huge box merely 10 feet away from us.


I see it. but don't acknowlege it because acknowledgement of that box would mean a challege.
He is that box for me. Maybe I should keep going with the 8 piece puzzles? What if I can't figure him out? He said to me that I  just needed to go with the flow because I'll never know otherwise. 
-That wasn't the response I was looking for.-

Instead of reasurring me and telling me he won't hurt me and that I don't have to be scared, he is telling me to stop thinking so much...Leaving the possibility that I could fail  at finishing this puzzle. -he could really hurt me- right out on the table....and stupid me still wants to peek underneath the lid beause although he is the most complicated puzzle I have ever/will ever see, its beautifully challenging. I have the feeling that the puzzle isn't going to hurt me, he is going to just make finishing it a crazy, long, challening, and rewarding one.....my human titanic puzzle.


.I'm. .so. .scared.


8 piece puzzles never made me think this hard.