"If You Love Someone...You Would Take a Bullet For Them Right?..."

If I can scratch the surface only to find out that. the surface is all that is there, and to be met by air on the other side...I cannot do it.


Let me explain what I mean by that. I cannot help but to feel pitty and an almost overwhelming sense of gratitude and appreciation for the things that I have gone through that have turned me into the person that I am today. THAT right there is huge, because I never thought that I would say that...ever. I had grown accustomed to being bitter and that settled into my personality and ate away at my life...saying something like that truly shows my evolution as a person and the layers that must have been added to my being in order to make me appreciate and realize something of that magnitude.


[Robotic.] That's how I would describe the "surface" people that gave me the inspiration to put this pen to paper. You HAVE to be a little bit crazy to be on the same page with me here. Crazy is not negative in any sense when I refer it to life and humans. Sanity...full and complete sanity is boring, robotic, and unfulfilling. --unhappy--.


I am not content with only being a human, or only being a person.


I want to see things in ways people do not see things. Something that I have always done, but never fully acknowledged the extent of. I love to break down people and analyze them. Figure out for myself the type of person I think they are and interact with them, testing them in my own unique ways in order to see if I was right. I'm usually right.


I love to play whatever role necessary in order to interact with and figure people out. Its like i've made life into an extremely satisfying and fulfilling scientific experiement, and everyone I encounter becomes my test subject.
Playing detective on a surface person is no fun because I usuually don't have to do anything in order to reveal the superficial person that they are.


That is not to say that I do not form real relationships, my ability to analyze and break down personality layers has allowed me to see who is real and who is not. This is definately true and evident in the fact that I myself have never had CLOSE friends, up until recently i've just had circumstancial relationships, the ones that compose 95% of friendships. I was friends with people based on superficial similarities and a plethora of generally stupid things like housing proximity etc. Its been that way my whole life, and I have been able to avoid the many dangers that come as a result of these types of relationships. Those who I am close with, and those who I let into my life are all real people...People who I know are real. That doesn't necessarily mean they won't do me dirty, but I have enough confidence in their core character to know that they would thnk LONG and HARD before they did something of great magnitude to hurt me, and that if they did, it was because they had to, and they know that I would want them to, in order to benefit their lives, because in the end I want what is best for the people I allow myself to love, even at the expense of my feelings, because afterall, that's what loving somebody is all about. If you love someone you would take a bullet for them right?